I’m in the car now more than usual because I have a 30-minute commute each way to drop off and pick up my daughter from preschool. I decided this would be the perfect time to listen to some audiobooks when I’m in the car solo. First up, a book that our incredible leader Cristina Might recommended to me: How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Clean and Organizing by KC Davis, a Licensed Professional Counselor. 

You might know Davis as the woman behind the popular TikTok account @domesticblisters. In fact, you may have already read her book. It came out in 2022 to much acclaim and was even an NPR pick for Best Book of 2022. You may have also seen the book mentioned in this post by Kimberly Wright. 

It turns out I listened to this book at the right time. I didn’t even make it through the intro before my eyes started welling with tears. I didn’t know how much I needed this book. I have been feeling especially overwhelmed lately—perpetually behind, perpetually failing. Among other things, this book made me realize I’m putting way too much pressure on myself. It helped me reevaluate priorities and let some things go. 

I know most of us can probably relate to a constant feeling of overwhelm. Whether you’re taking care of children, tending to aging relatives, slogging through the day with your own stuff—or maybe a mixture of all three—this book can help you shift your perspective about yourself, especially if you feel like you’re never quite measuring up. This self-help book is a compassionate guide to managing what you can manage and letting the rest go.

In case you don’t have the capacity to pick up a book right now or listen to the audiobook, I want to share some of the most revelatory tidbits with you. Here are my top three takeaways from the book:

“Being overwhelmed is not a personal failure.” 

Davis discusses how many of us tie our self-worth to our performance—what we can accomplish in a day. Instead of calling all those little to-dos “chores,” a word that’s usually tied to feelings of guilt and shame, Davis suggests calling them “care tasks,” which are morally neutral. She asserts that care tasks are about function, not about your worth. If all the laundry isn’t folded or the dishes sit in the sink, many of us (me included) immediately think of ourselves as failures. Davis says we need a perspective shift. Our capacity to complete tasks is not tied to our worth as human beings.

“Anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed.” 

This may be one of my favorite quotes from the book. I am one of those perfectionists who struggles to start something unless I know I can complete it—and complete it perfectly—right then and there. Guess what? That means most things don’t even get started. And they pile up, leaving me feeling bad about myself, and telling myself I can’t get things done because I’m lazy. Davis does away with perfectionism, particularly when it comes to care tasks. She also does away with laziness. “Laziness doesn’t exist,” Davis says. 

Do you feel unmotivated? Maybe you actually have a task initiation problem, says Davis. When you feel like you can’t begin a care task, she suggests starting really small. Have a ton of dishes to do? Set a timer for 5 minutes—or even 3 minutes—and tend to as many as you can during that time. She calls this “keeping the on-ramp open.” When the timer goes off, walk away. All of the dishes don’t have to be clean. The more important thing is you were able to do something. 

“You need what you need.”

Sometimes, you need to deprioritize one thing so you can prioritize other things. This is not a moral failing. I get really hung up on the waste my family produces and the stuff we accumulate. Inevitably, I have piles of cardboard and plastic to take to the recycling center, piles of outgrown clothes to donate, and of course, piles of trash on garbage day. I felt like a fairy godmother granted me permission to relax when I heard Davis say, it’s okay. It’s okay if you don’t have the bandwidth to tend to those things; sometimes everything just needs to end up in the trash. It’s okay to let your family eat on paper plates if you are too tired or sick to do dishes. It’s okay if you’re using disposable diapers and your garbage can is full every week. “It’s not waste if you need it to function,” Davis says. You need what you need, and that’s okay. 

Photo: "Woman Wearing Apron and Reading Book in Kitchen" by pixelshot.